Lebron James is a basketball player. He is famous. Now a free agent. Currently he plays somewhere (I know I can look up where very quickly, but I’m proud of the fact that I’m not sure). It seems that the whole world wants him to play basketball in their town. This has caused much stress and strain on people. These people are very worried about this. The only thing that helps these people to take their minds off the horribly unthinkable possibility that Lebron James will play SOMEWHERE ELSE, yes, the only thing that brings them any kind of distraction from the unthinkable, is . . . vampires.
Everywhere you look, you see books, movies, television shows, and advertisements, focusing on vampires. I thought I saw a vampire anchoring the evening TV news recently, then I realized Diane Sawyer always looks like that.
So, what does famous basketball player Lebron James and Vampires have in common? Easy.
I AM SICK TO DEATH OF HEARING ABOUT THEM BOTH!!!
First, Lebron James. He is famous for bouncing a basketball and throwing it in a hoop. And he does this over and over and over again.
I realize that he does this VERY well. I recently saw a clip of him on the basketball court. Those arms of his, wow. Amazing. I think if I ever received one of his internal organs as a transplant, HIS organ would reject my ENTIRE body. But again, what does he do? He is famous for doing what? Bouncing a basketball and throwing it in a hoop. And he does this over and over and over again.
Maybe vampires will be easier to understand. Let’s at least try.
First of all, vampires are not real. I say this, because, sad to say, there are people in this world who believe they are vampires. (Then again, I remember a story about a man with visual agnosia who thought his wife was a hat. He actually grabbed her and tried to put her on his head. Why would I make that up?) Even though they are not real, the basic “facts” of vampires are that they are dead and like to drink blood. Combine this fact that the recent popularity of vampires seems to be fueled by romantic teenage girls, and interesting situations come to mind.
Teenage girl idiot – “Mom, can Timmy come over for dinner?”
Mother of teenage girl idiot – “That pasty-looking boy? Does he still drink blood?”
Teenage girl idiot – “He’s trying to cut back! He’s down to one pint a day!”
Mother of teenage girl idiot – “Absolutely NOT!”
Teenage girl idiot – “Why are you ruining my life? ALL my friend’s boyfriends are vampires! I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU!”
So if vampires takes their minds off Lebron James, what takes their minds off vampires? Lady Gaga?
Don’t get me started.