Other Stuff – Definitely Off

Today on the CNN webpage, we have an update on the horrific shooting in Tucson Arizona, and next to that a story about 591 people so far are reported dead due to flooding in Brazil. The next seven stories under “Latest News” each have the following words in the headlines: “cop-killer”, “combat”, “widow”, “dies”, “nuclear”, “fugitive”, and “kills”.

Eventually, if history teaches us anything, one or more horrific events will happen that will push those stories off the front page. But for now, the media, or the public, or both,  is obsessed with the story from Tucson. The minutia that becomes uncovered ranges from the unspeakable to the ridiculous.

Watch the clip below from a news story televised January 15th, and see if you can guess which category it fits:

If you guessed “ridiculous”, congratulations.

Now, where do I begin? As Julie Andrews sang in The Sound of Music (1965), “Let’s start at the very beginning, that’s a very good place to start.”

Former Classmate: “He was definitely off. And, and, that was definitely something that was apparent as, as, as soon as, as soon as I met him.” Well, one thing we can say about Former Classmate, he is observant. Except when he looks in a mirror, of course.

Former Classmate: “He, he had, he had a grin about him and he, he would clench his fists a lot, and, and that, that, that was something that definitely made him appear off.”

So here we have Former Classmates criteria for being “off”: 1. Grinning, and 2. Clenched fists. Interestingly, these are also the symptoms for babies that are in REM sleep. Who of us hasn’t looked at a sleeping baby, and felt a little suspicious? Also, do a Google image search for Popeye. What do you see? Clinched fists, grinning. I never liked Popeye.

Former Classmate: “When I knew him he had just a buzzed head as opposed to a shaved head, but that, that same, that same look, was the look that made people in class uncomfortable.” Now it becomes clear. Former Classmate was suspicious of his classmate’s lack of hair. I would go so far as to say that hair is VERY important to Former Classmate. Either that, or he feels he’s a pink flamingo trapped in a human body.

Back to bald people. Think of the people in that category that immediately come to mind: Yul Brynner, Telly Savalas, Sinead O’Conner, Moby, Elmer Fudd, Dr. Phil, and Winston Churchill. Imagine being in the same room with all those people? Now think of the Von Trapp family in The Sound of Music. Any of them bald? How would you feel being in the same room with them?

Case closed.

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2 thoughts on “Other Stuff – Definitely Off

  1. That is hilarious! The fact that anyone from HLN takes the pink-wig man seriously and would actually quote and interview him is scary. Maybe scarier than the grinning and fist-clenching.

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